Someone smarter than Socrates and Plato (both morons) once said, “Never start a land war in Asia,” but that’s precisely what Walter “Bird” McIntyre hopes to accomplish in this outrageous novel by Christopher Buckley. It’s only June, but I’m calling this my own most surprising read of the year, and not only because it’s an eerily prophetic tale of Chinese-U.S. relations in 2020. It’s also straight-up entertaining, and I truthfully couldn’t put it down.
This isn’t necessarily my normal reading fare. I’m not typically drawn to recently-published novels, at least not those written by authors I’d never read before. But with a title, cover, and plot like this, I simply couldn’t resist.
Bird, a lobbyist working for a defense-contractor, is tasked with the difficult job of stirring up American agitation against China, so his company can finally push through the bureaucracy some new and secretive weapon, making a load of cash along the way. After setting up a dummy corporation and connecting with a beautiful, pro-war personality named Angel Templeton, he succeeds in getting the world to believe that China’s got it in for the Dalai Lama. Things come to a head for leaders on both sides of the pond when the Dalai Lama, already dying of cancer, passes in a suspect way.
Your head might be under a rock these days, but still you’re likely aware of China’s troubled reputation growing around the World. Fighting pro-democracy riots in HongKong was only the beginning. Then came COVID-19. Now there’s the primitive border dispute with India, the ships in the Taiwan Straight, the growing tension in the Koreas, not to mention Trump’s less-than-friendly comments toward the regime and the WHO—it’s all amassing into what some might consider the chilling, early stages of yet another Cold War.
They Eat Puppies, Don’t They? seems to capture today’s sensational headlines perfectly, and it makes me wonder who’s out there pulling strings and pushing buttons. Is this vortex of bad press just a natural part of history, or is there some frumpy old guy sitting on his porch with an Old Fashioned in one hand and a cigar in the other saying, “I love it when a plan comes together!”?
This novel contains its fair share of adult themes and language, and it was a bit frustrating to watch the protagonist begin an affair with a woman, simply because he thinks his wife might also be sleeping around. It’s not a moral tale by any stretch of the imagination, but it is certainly a wry look at our world’s political stage and the players maneuvering behind the scenes.
With all that in mind, I do recommend this book for those interested in (what the cover calls) political satire. It’s a witty and entertaining story that’s sure to help me read the news with a more skeptical eye.
©2020 E.T.