Married to Bhutan: How One Woman Got Lost, Said “I Do,” and Found Bliss by Linda Leaming (2011)

During my first visit to Bhutan in 2025, I bumped into author Linda Leaming at the National Museum in Paro. Foreign tourists abound in Bhutan’s western cities of Paro and Thimphu, so I wasn’t quite sure why this white woman was sitting behind the table at this art show.

As we got to talking, however, she introduced her husband Phurba Namgay as the artist all the fantastic paintings hanging around the room, paintings with distinctly Bhutanese and Buddhist attributes, yet also containing space themes and shooting rockets. I loved the artwork but could neither afford nor transport them at the time. Instead, I was drawn to the book table (not shocking), where I purchased two of Leaming’s books—which she was kind enough to sign—including this her first, Married to Bhutan.

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Quick Summary of Married to Bhutan

Leaming stumbled upon Bhutan in the mid-90s during her world travels outside her birthplace of Nashville, TN, and immediately fell in love. She made multiple trips back to the tiny Himalayan Kingdom whenever she could afford it and eventually moved there fulltime as an educator.

Some in Bhutan have told her that her obsession with Bhutan is so unique and rich that, perhaps, she had once been Bhutanese in a previous life. She didn’t disagree with this conjecture. (29) While Leaming certainly understands Bhutan’s Tantric Buddhism, and while she occasionally writes from a stance of respectful agreement with it, I don’t get the sense that she’s a full-blown convert. A student at least, which is perhaps how any but the Lamas would describe themselves anyways.

Nevertheless, this is not an apologetic for Vajrayana Buddhism, but rather for the culture that Buddhism has created. This woman loves Bhutan—its drips from every page, even when she describes uncomfortable experiences and her own cultural awkwardness. I appreciated this summarizing thought:

If I had to name the biggest difference between Bhutan and the rest of the world, I could do it in one word: civility. (226)

This is truly a book of marriage—not only to her husband, which developed slowly through the chapters, but to the nation itself. She quips at one point:

When you marry a foreigner, you also marry the country. (101)

Linda’s Marriage to Phurba Namgay

Now, I knew these two people married. I’d me them. But he process of their meeting, engagement, and marriage is so downplayed in the early chapters of the book, that a third of the way through, I actually wrote in my notes: So this really is a book about being “married to Bhutan”—love at first sight, engagement, etc. It’s not at all about the artist-husband but about the country! Intriguing.

I had reason to write this. Way back on page 41, she does mention meeting Namgay, and she summarizes their relationship and marriage in just one paragraph! And then she continues on as if this relationship were just a side-thought. It was a little disarming, but again, intriguing. This book was becoming way more a travelogue and cultural study than a memoir or romance, and of course, I was ok with that. Romances aren’t really my thing.

But then in Chapter 6, their relationship gets full attention—and it stays that way for the remainder of the book. My notes say: Ah, she eventually does get around to Namgay in chapter 6. Good.

Maybe romances are really my thing…

Tidbits of Bhutanese Culture

Apart from the glossary of Bhutanese terms and objects, this book is full of cultural insights seen through the eyes of a woman who truly craves to understand more than the “what” but the “why” of Bhutan’s quirks. I especially liked her discussion of time early on, where she writes:

In Bhutan, no matter what time you get there, you’re right on schedule. (9)

He humorous illustration was fitting:

If there’s a great distance to be traveled, it’s usually on foot, so it’s hard to know when you will arrive. If someone’s visiting you from a neighboring village and it’s late summer, he may have to stop on a mountain trail and quickly climb a tree to avoid a bear or a tiger, and that could detain him a bit. Conversely, he may show up early if the bear or tiger is chasing him. Then there’s the unpleasant thought that he might never show up… Warning: bears and tigers can climb trees, too. (10)

She also provided a needed perspective on one of Bhutan’s strangest heroes, The Divine Madman Drukpa Kunley (45), whose sexual antics are legendary. In fact, he’s considered Bhutan’s national saint, and few of us foreign visitors can understand why. Paul Bunyan wielded an ax to clear the West. Drukpa Kinley exchanged blessings for village women and whiskey and beat dogs to death with his… his… his “Flaming Thunderbolt.”  Leaming writes, though, that Kunley had taught the people something:

They understood that sins of the flesh are probably the least destructive to humankind; and things like anger, hypocrisy, jealousy, greed, and pride are much more damaging in the end. This is what Drukpa Kunley taught them. (47)

No mention of coveting or lust, but hey. Most religions try to hide their founders’ sexploits—think Joseph Smith in Mormonism or Muhammad in Islam—yet the Bhutanese celebrate it, because, well, at least he wasn’t an angry hypocrite! Very strange indeed.

Conclusion

In my search to understand better the Land of the Thunder Dragon, I found this book especially insightful. Watching an American’s growth in experience and understanding of this unique land gives me hope that I too can understand it better.

I’ve lived in Asian a quarter of my life—in my “foreign” wife’s homeland—and I’ve yet to put my own experiences down in memoir form. Maybe someday. For now, though, I’ll keep learning from others how to do it well, and Linda Leaming has been a great teacher for that.

©2026 E.T.

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