Have We Lost It? Gracious Living by Kevin Foo (2015)

Ever since my family moved to Singapore, I’ve been looking for books that will teach me more about this giant little country. I enjoyed reading Singapore: A Very Short History by Alvin Tan (2020) but was also looking for something a bit more cultural.

Have We Lost It? Gracious Living by Kevin Foo promised to be just the ticket—though by the end I was thinking it’s probably more “one man’s opinion” than a nationwide perspective on culture.

In this thoroughly illustrated book geared to kids, Foo shares 103 way in which Singaporeans fail to live graciously—and how they can remedy their faults.

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Before I get into some details of the book, I’d like to share perhaps the best takeaway from the whole book, which is Foo’s intriguing description of “grace” (which I’d consider more like “mercy”, but that’s probably splitting hairs):

To me, gracious living comes in the form of giving, thinking about how one would not want to be treated. “Not doing to others what we don’t want them to do unto us.” (Author’s Note)

Quick Overview of Gracious Living

Probably half of Foo’s ideas in this book deal with both the noises and the smells of close living. Whether is the stench of trash or of smelly football players on the bus or the noises of squeaky gates and barking dogs, Singaporeans apparently have no end to their methods of annoying their neighbors.

The more I read of this book, however, the more I saw that Kevin Foo is 1) an incredibly annoyed dude, and 2) a touch on the nitpicky side.

Flip to any random page in the book, and I’m sure you’ll find quick examples of how annoyed he is (i.e. on #23 “Walk talking…talk walking…”, he can’t stand it when people talk loudly on their phones while walking past his windows). But his nitpickiness can be best felt when you read the book cover-to-cover as I did (i.e. on #21 “The slippers have landed!”, he doesn’t think anyone should drop their footwear on the floor before putting them on, because they make an annoying “PLAK” sound).

Some of this man’s tight expectations are the reason I kept reading, though. Sure, I want to learn more about how to be a fair, respectful, and gracious neighbor to my Singaporean friends—but I also wanted to see in what other, miniscule ways has Kevin Foo been offended by his Singaporean neighbors? Whether it’s dudes peeing on elevators (#90 “A human fountain!”, and not yet a personal experience) or neighbors not having uniform awnings and gates (#34 “Circus tent”), Foo has a knack for pointing out the oddest of cultural faux pas.

Some Life Lesson Included (I Guess)

Granted, I’ve noticed a few of these ungracious things myself in the short time I’ve lived here. I’ve also been annoyed by landed-house neighbors blocking the public sidewalks outside their homes with potted plants or a vehicle, so I have to walk my kids off the sidewalks and into the busy streets. I’ve also been careful not to throw glass down the garbage chute and to make sure that all my trash bags are tied.

But for the most part, what he points out in this book is either common-sense stuff already, or so obscure an offense that it barely warrants a mention. As a book for school children, I can see this as being moderately helpful. As a bedside book for guests when they visit, I can see it being a fun curiosity. But as a book on national culture, it makes Singaporeans seem incredibly petty and over-fixated on behavior.

So I guess it’s pretty spot-on!

Quick Note on Illustration

The cartoon-style artwork is simply drawn with four colors (black, white, grey, and green) and some are actually quite funny. I especially liked #33 “Horticultural Show,” where a soldier comes home from his jungle-warfare training only to get tripped up on his balcony from the plants his neighbor has been hoarding.

Conclusion

Although I’m still looking for the right kind of Singapore book that will teach me all things I need to know about transitioning into this tiny, ginormous nation, books like Gracious Living are tiding me over. A few of Foo’s 103 ideas have caused at least this one adult reader to think before he acts, so that’s good.

And even though I already know enough the treat others the way I want to be treated, I need to remember also to not to treat others the way I don’t want to be treated. That’s gracious living—and I don’t plan to lose it.

©2026 E.T.

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